A Touch of Song
by WannaBeBella13
Summary: Carlisle Cullen: Young Pastor of an ever-growing church in the Bronx.  Jasper Whitlock: New worship leader that just managed to fully put his life back together.  What happens when Carlisle is entranced by Jasper's song and Jasper by his word? J/C PG-13
1. Part I: Realization

**Disclaimer: I unfortunately do not own Twilight….or Worshipsper…..**

Carlisle's (Pastor Cullen's) POV

I sighed in frustration. I was going to be late to service with all this traffic! I knew I shouldn't have taken the Deegan! Why hadn't I listened to the radio before I left? Lord help me! Today was a special service as well for we had planned to take communion and to top it off, Esme was sick and we had a temporary replacement for her as the worship leader. Sometimes being the leader of an ever-growing church in the middle of the Bronx was very overwhelming. I ran my hands through my hair almost ready to pull it out in huge clumps when I saw a sign. My exit! I got out and it was a smooth, quick ride to Love Gospel Assembly from there and I made it to church in the nick of time. The instant I walked in the door I was bombarded with questions from my secretary, Alice,

"What took you so long? Do you have the spare set of keys to the Educational building? Are you ready for service? Is there anything you need?" She was so hyper I couldn't help but let out a light chuckle.

"To answer your questions Alice, I was caught in traffic on the Major Deegan, No I don't have the keys maybe your husband does, Yes I'm ready for service, and yes I would like sometime alone in my office to meditate." Alice nodded satisfied and ran off to find her husband, Edward, Deacon and Superintendent of the Children's Educational Department. I had to give it to the pixie she was definitely fast and efficient. I walked into my office, took off my coat, and sat on my chair, holding my head in my hands.

"Father." I spoke to the Lord, my God.

"Father, I know that I am starting to lack in my spiritual relationship with you Lord and while some crazy things have been going on in my life, I know that that is no excuse to neglect my relationship with you Lord. In fact I should be doing just the opposite," I got up and started pacing the room.

"I should be growing closer to you Lord, stronger in you. Instead I've been running away and for that Lord I am truly sorry." Then I was interrupted with a light knock on my door.

"Service is about to start, Pastor." I sighed. Was it really too much to ask to have 30 minutes alone with God?

"Coming, Alice." I went back to my desk and gathered up all the papers I would need for today's sermon and exited my office climbing the narrow stairs to the pulpit. I went to my chair and stood beside it waiting for the worship to begin. Then aside the narrow staircase on the other side of the pulpit was a very handsome man. He had honey gold curls that I just wanted to run my hands through- whoa! Where did that come from? - and beautiful hazel eyes that I wanted to stare in forever. He met my gaze and it was like something passed between us. Then he looked away and grabbed the mic.

"Hello, and welcome Love Gospel!" The people immediately looked at him with rapt attention. After all, he did have the honey golden curls and those expressive hazel eyes. Wait! What am I thinking? Devil I banish these sinful thoughts in the name of Jesus.

"As ya'll most already know Esme ain't here today. She's very sick and I want ya'll to pray for her. So for now I'll be here as your temporary worship leader. My name is Jasper Whitlock and let's get this church screamin' for God!" That man had a natural charisma about him. Something that made everybody listen and that southern drawl… The band behind him started playing but when Jasper opened his mouth and sang I found myself entranced,

"Yes! and I know that I'm blessed.

Yes! and my heart is at rest.

Yes! and my future is sealed.

Yes! If I'm healed then I'm healed!

I'm not afraid of circumstances If I've- I've already found the answers

and all, all of God's promises are

Yes! Yes and Amen!"

I couldn't even pay attention to what he was singing anymore. His voice was so melodic; it had me in an intoxicated state, just staring at him. Then he stopped singing and brought me out of my Jasper induced haze. Jasper...His name suited him. I imagined it rolling off my tongue and I sighed in contentment. I stepped forward to take the mic from him so I could address the people. When our hands touched both grasping the mike a warm feeling ran up my arm and into my heart he looked at me then let go of the mike breaking the spell. I walked to the center of the pulpit and began to address the congregation, but I could barely concentrate. I was too wrapped up in thoughts of him, his honey golden curls, his hazel eyes, and most of all his voice his enchanting voice that had me in a trance. I had no idea how I had managed to get through the sermon but I did and as soon as it was over I was searching for him. I had no idea why but I was. It was like I was drawn to him. Lord help me. But he was no where to be found so I gave up and retreated to my office. I sat in my chair again.

"Father. I-I don't understand these thoughts I am having. What is going on with me?" I pleaded to the Holy Lord in a desperate bid to understand.

"Why am I thinking about a man this way?" I pleaded and pleaded to God but to no avail. The answers I seeked didn't come.

_

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_

One week later...

Sunday morning. I left extra early today so as not to be caught in traffic but I couldn't help but admit that there was an ulterior motive for my actions. I wanted to see him again. My whole body and mind craved the sound of his voice. Just as I had expected I cruised right along on the Deegan and arrived at church in record time from my home in Riverdale.

"Well you're here early." remarked Alice.

"Not now Alice. I'm going to pray. Please don't disturb me." She nodded and I went inside my office hung up my coat and started pacing throughout my office immediately, my hands running through my hair agitated.

"Father, help me Lord. I don't know or understand what is going on with me, my thoughts and my mind. I'm always thinking about him. My mind is centered on him, but I have faith in you lord that you will help me get through this. I don't want to sin against you Lord but my mind seems to be going in another direction. Help me Lord to stay on your path and direction. Amen." By this time I was kneeling on the floor and I stood up dusting off the knees of my pants. I gathered up my papers for my sermon and started to walk up the narrow staircase again. Alice was on her way down and looked relieved when she saw me and said,

"Good your here! I was just about to get you. Esme has recovered. She is going to be singing today." My heart felt crushed. I wouldn't get to hear my Jasper sing- wait my Jasper? "What about Jasper?" I asked. "He did great last week but it was only temporary. We might bring him back once Esme retires for good. Why? Is he important?" I shook my head both as an answer and trying to clear it.

"No he's not." I passed her on the narrow staircase trying not to let the sadness show in my eyes.

_Two weeks later..._

I had virtually given up all hope of Jasper being there it made me sad but he was hindering my relationship with God! A knock on the door brought me out of my thoughts.

"Pastor Cullen? Service is about to start."

"Coming Alice." I walked out the door and up the narrow staircase to the pulpit again. Then I gasped, Jasper was there! Drinking a bottle of water before he sang. I was entranced by the way his honey gold curls slipped off his face as he tilted his head back to get more water from the bottle.

"Stare much?" asked Alice as she appeared behind me, startling me out of my trance.

"What? Oh no Alice! I was just...lost in thought." She was never going to believe that.

"Sure..." she said and I walked to my chair and waited for the worship service to begin so I could hear my Jasper's enchanting voice. He grabbed the mic from its stand.

"Hello, Love Gospel! Ya'll remember me?" The church looked excited. Jasper had a way of doing that to people.

"Good! Now lets do some worshippin'!" The band started playing and he began to sing,

"All consuming fire

You're my heart's desire.

And I love you dearly dearly lord

You're my meditation

and my consolation-

I was entranced, he sung with such passion. Then he looked straight at me and sang,

"and I love you dearly dearly-" Then he turned back to the congregation,

"Lord." Was that a sign? My heart felt like it was in my throat. I was in awe and wonder at this beautiful man's voice. Let's just say today was another day where I couldn't concentrate. After service I asked Alice to tell Jasper to meet me in my office to discuss worship practice schedules. That was just an excuse to see him fully without being entranced by his voice. Two firm raps on the door alerted me to his presence.

"Come in." The door opened and Jasper stepped in. My eyes widened in appreciation of his beauty and beckoned him to sit in the chair in front of my desk.

"So Jasper, I understand that you want to continue as worship leader after Esme retires?"

"Yes, sir." He replied with a glint of something in his hazel eyes that I couldn't quite identify.

"Please call me Carlisle."

"Of course s-Carlisle." My mind basked at how my name rolled off his tongue and was spoken in that beautiful voice.

"Jasper the worship team meets once a week on Thursdays to practice. Can you make it?" He fidgeted slightly.

"It depends on what time." I knew he really wanted to do this so I could see why he was so fidgety, most likely nervous.

"Seven." A smile brightened up his face. He nodded. "I can make it. I get off from the historical society at five." My eyes betrayed my shock.

"What?" He asked indignantly.

"You think that just because I'm a pretty Texas boy with a twang that I don't have a thing in my head?" He exclaimed, narrowing his eyes, immediately suspicious.

"No! Jasper I meant nothing of the kind. I just thought you were a singer. Your voice is...astounding." He blushed and my eyes softened. Seeing him blushing made him look absolutely adorable.

"Th-Thank you, sir." I gave him a stern look and recognition dawned on his face.

"Oh! Thank you, Carlisle. I'm sorry for what I said. It's just that I've met many pastors who were very hypocritical and I just...Oh i'm sorry." I smiled.

"It's alright Jas, I understand." Did I just call him Jas? How is he going to react? He took a deep breath and visibly relaxed.

"Was there anything else you wanted?" He nodded, stood up, and stepped closer to me.

"Yes, I also wanted this." He smiled, leaned forward and pressed his beautiful mouth against mine. My eyes widened in utter shock. Jasper felt the same as me! But seeing my eyes he pulled away fast and ran out the room.

"Jasper!" I cried and ran to the door. I looked up and down the hallway but, he was gone.

_

* * *

_

Next Week...

I was pacing in my office, my hands running through my hair making it look like I had just rolled out of bed. I was worried about Jasper. Would he reject me? What had I done wrong last week? I just wanted to make things right. I walked to my door, took a deep breath, put on my calmest face, and left my office. When I ascended the staircase to the pulpit I saw him, and my heart broke. His shoulders were hunched and his eyes were red-rimmed. He saw me then he looked away. He started the service but not with his usual passion. The whole church seemed to be

affected by it and when he sang I almost fell to my knees,

"Here in your prescence

All things are new

Here in your presence

Heaven bows before you

Here in your presence

We are undone

Here in your presence

Heaven and Earth become one

Heaven is trembling in awe of your wonder!

Kings and their Kingdoms are standing ama-a-azed!

Here in your presence

All things are new!

Here in your presence

Heaven bows before you!"

His voice was still enchanting but it had lost its fire, its passion. It had no heart. I just stared at him wondering just how much I had hurt him. When I couldn't look at him any longer I turned and kneeled by my chair as if I was in prayer. But that's all it was, I couldn't concentrate enough to talk to my God, just when I needed him the most. I could still hear Jasper's haunting voice and it took everything I had not to sob in front of the entire congregation.

_

* * *

_

After service...

"Alice! Have you seen Jasper anywhere?" I asked almost frantic.

"No sorry, Pastor." I moved on.

"Do you know where Jasper is, Edward?" I asked him as I speedwalked through the hallway not going to let him get away again.

"I think I saw him in the vestibule." I brightened and almost hugged him.

"Thanks!" I rushed off in that direction. Once I reached the vestibule I looked everywhere, but no Jasper. As the crowd started to thin I went outside in a last ditch attempt to find him. Then almost at the end of the block I saw him.

"Jasper!" I called out while running to him. He ignored me.

"Jasper!" I called again. He just moved faster, but then he was stopped by the cars in the street and had to wait to cross. I caught up to him.

"Jasper." I said out of breath. He didn't say a word, didn't even look at me.

"Jasper, look at me!" His eyes were blank, trying not to show emotion.

"Why are you even talking to me?" He asked.

"Don't people like you hate people like me?" I was shocked. He thought I hated him!

"Jasper how could I hate you?" He turned his face downward.

"Isn't my orientation wrong? The way I want you, wrong?"

"Jasper, how can this be wrong when it feels so right?" Then I cupped his cheek, turned his face towards me and kissed him, all my love for him pouring out of my body.

**

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**

A/N: Well? *hides behind stone wall waiting for objects to be thrown* What did you think?

**Oh and a couple of things I need to clarify.**

**1 – All the song lyrics used in the story are REAL worship songs(though I don't know how accurate the lyrics are because I transcribed them from memory)**

**2 – The church Love Gospel Assembly really does exsist on 2323 Grand Concourse Bronx, NY. It is my church….. it has no affiliation with this story and probably does not support my views.**

**3 – The Major Deegan Expressway is a real highway in the Bronx that does usually have a lot of traffic. Lol =)**

**4 – Riverdale is a real section of the Bronx(one of the ritzier ones..but could you expect anything less for Carlisle?)**

**5 – I am only using these real places for fictional purposes only**

**Thank you and Review!**

**~ Tiffany**


	2. Part II: Decision

**Disclaimer: Unfortunately I do not own this cute couple...I do own the plot though..so READ ON!**

**Warnings: Language, violence, and implied abuse. **

**This is Slash! which means a m/m pairing..even though its rated T if its not your cup of tea...go away now.**

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Part II: Decision

**Jasper's POV**

Mmm...he tastes so good, like cinnamon and sage. I gave myself into the kiss, my defenses crumbling to dust because of this man. I needed him, he made me feel alive! He pulled away and I swayed slightly trying to regain my balance so that I didn't fall flat on my face on the hard concrete. He looked at me with the stormy blue eyes and that intense, loving gaze – wait, loving? Maybe…infatuation, or maybe I'm getting ahead of myself. He couldn't possibly want me, much less love me. He held out his hand beckoning me to give him something. I was confused and it showed on my face. Had I missed something?  
"Can I have your phone?" Carlisle asked. "So I can give you my number? Unless…un-unless you don't want to..."  
"No!" I exclaimed, scrambling to find my phone. "Of course I want your number!" Then I fumbled with it and gave it to him. I had hated seeing the hurt look that had crossed his face, especially since I was the one who had put it there. I was taken from my thoughts by another phone ringing and I looked around to see where it was coming from. He pulled his phone from his pocket and silenced it.  
"There. Now I have your number." I beamed seeing his obvious excitement. "Can…you call me later on this week so that maybe we could...go on a date?" He asked with a hopeful note in his voice, taking the incentive, I guessed.

"Of course! I would love to." I needed to get to know this man a lot better. I wanted to know everything about him! The smile never left my face when I was around him, he made me so happy. He looked towards the street,  
"The light changed." Then I burst out laughing…really laughing for the first time in years, and he laughed with me.

_

* * *

_

Two days later...(Tuesday)

Should I call him? Is it too soon? Should I wait for him to call me? I didn't know! Ugh, I sounded like a giggly, teenage girl.  
Then the phone rang putting me out of my misery, it was Carlisle! My heart sped up and my palms started getting sweaty. He made me so happy why managing to make me feel so nervous, and insecure! But honestly, the pros of getting to know Carlisle outweighed the cons.

Waiting for the second ring so as not to seem too eager, I picked up the phone and answered it the way I normally did,

"Whitlock speaking."

"Jasper! It's me, Carlisle." I already knew that, I just didn't want to sound like an overeager teenage girl, thank you very much.

"Hello, Carlisle. How are you?"

"Fine, Jasper and you?"

"Good."

"So how are we going to do this?" Straight to the point then, I guess.

"Well I was thinking I could come to your place and cook for ya'...Tex-Mex sound good, darlin'?" I thickened my drawl, hoping to have some effect on him. I heard him inhale a little loudly, but whether it was because of the drawl, me calling him "darlin'", or both, I didn't know. It was still nice, however to know that I had some effect on him, no matter how small. "Cause I know you can't exactly go out or anything."

"S-sure. When?" I made him stutter!

"Friday around 7pm good for you?" I said, trying to portray confidence – the exact opposite of what I was feeling.  
"Yeah...sure..." He said trailing off. Was he speechless? …or uninterested.

"What's your address?"

"764 Mace Ave, Riverdale." He said automatically, almost on autopilot...Hmm…I wonder what's going on in his mind?

"Alright then, let me write that down, and I'll be there 7pm sharp, on Friday, ok darlin'?"

"Yeah…see you then, goodbye Jasper."

"Bye, darlin'." Then I hung up and let out an almost girlish squeal. I had a date with Carlisle, the man of my dreams!

_

* * *

_

Thursday Evening...

I walked in the Temple, and it seemed so strange, seeing it virtually empty. The only time I've seen it was when it was packed to the brim with people and I was either singing, or listening to Carlisle preach the Word. As I made my way to the pulpit where Tanya, Rosalie, and Bella (the back-up worship singers) were getting ready, Bella looked up and spotted me.

"Jasper! So glad to see you back!" she called out to me. I smiled at her and she blushed scarlet. I had to laugh, she turned crimson at the simplest things. When I ascended the steps to the pulpit Tanya approached me.

"So…Jasper...your still here.." She stood right in front of me. A bit too close for my taste. I could feel her breath on my lips as she breathed, "Maybe we can… get to know each other better...Jazzy," she said running her finger tips up the contours of my collar bone. I flinched involuntarily, I hoped she wouldn't be like this the entire time. I stepped away from her and she looked affronted.

"Please, Tanya, I'm …not really looking for someone." … like you, I added in my head. The person who captivated me was tall, had stormy blue eyes, and most importantly was a man. She rolled her dark eyes and sighed simply,

"You'll want me, Jazzy. All men do."

_

* * *

_

Friday Evening...

I whizzed past irritated drivers on my sleek silver and black Kawasaki motorcycle down the Mosholu Parkway heading to Carlisle's place in Riverdale. In the compartment underneath the seat were two grocery bags filled to the brim with the ingredients I would need to make fajitas. The sun began to set when I got close to Carlisle's house, the thought of him shot a bit of adrenaline in my veins.

I loved riding my bike at night, it was such a rush. I revved the engine a bit, listening to the sound it made. I loved my bike. I had saved up for it for a long time, and it was completely worth it. I wouldn't give up my baby for anything in the world. I glanced at the houses lining the side of the street in my peripheral vision, slowing down so I could read the numbers. 758… 760… 762… 764…764! That was it! I stopped abruptly in front of the house, shut off the engine, and got off my bike. I took off my helmet and shook out my curls, hopefully the helmet didn't mess my hair up too much. I admired the small, cozy house in front of me. It wasn't too flashy, but nice enough to seem like it belonged in the ritzy neighborhood. I hung the helmet off the handlebar, took the grocery bags out of the compartment under the seat, and placed the helmet in its place. I closed the compartment and walked up the steps that brought me to the door of Carlisle's house. I pressed the back of my hand to the door bell to ring it, since I had the grocery bags in my hands. The door opened almost immediately and Carlisle seemed to be speechless as his eyes raked over me. As he was giving me the once-over, I remembered I had worn my cowboy boots, in the hopes they would impress Carlisle, plus they were comfortable. It seemed to do the trick, he was completely entranced with them, and it almost made me laugh.

"Like what ya see?" I asked laying my drawl on thick, something I never normally did. He looked up slowly as if just realizing what was going on. His baby blue eyes widened in shock.

"Oh! Um...oh my, Jasper! I'm so sorry I was being so rude. Please… come in and give me one of those bags!" He ushered me inside and pried a bag out of my arms. He led me to the kitchen where we emptied our arms unto top of the black marble island counter top.

Carlisle turned to me,

"So what are you making, Jasper?"

"Fajitas." I said uncertainly, how stupid could I be? I got all the food ready to make fajitas and had completely forgotten to ask if he liked them! I hoped he wasn't mad at me.

"You do like them, right?"

"Of course I do Jasper, stop worrying." He smiled the smile that made the corners of his eyes wrinkle and his cheeks flush. I immediately relaxed. He had such an affect on me… and he probably didn't even realize it. I started to unpack the groceries, Carlisle tried to help me, but I batted his hands away, saying that this was for him and he could sit down, relax, and keep me company, if he wanted. He did, and we both asked the other a lot of questions about his interests, family, and education. Luckily, Carlisle seemed to know what questions to avoid and the atmosphere stayed cheerful. Turns out Carlisle originally wanted to be a doctor, but his father made him follow in his footsteps and become a pastor, eventually discovering that there were other ways to save lives. Now he wouldn't give it up for anything, but it seemed so strange that Carlisle would just accept what his father made him do and not question it. I mean, it was his future! It was _his_ decision to make, and not his father's. When I asked him about it he just said,

"We didn't go against Father, no matter how much we wanted to. He was the head of the family and we couldn't disrespect him by going against him." That seemed off, I and I decided that I would talk to Carlisle about that more when we were closer.

"Mmm... Jasper, that smells good. When are you going to be done?" I smiled and laughed.

"Patience, Carlisle, patience. I just need to put the peppers in."

"Oh alright." He said in mock defeat and I smiled. I think I've smiled and laughed more tonight than I had in years...my past relationship sucked the life right out of me, and Carlisle was able to put it right back. When I finished the fajitas and placed Carlisle's plate in front of him, he inhaled it. I chuckled,

"Slow down there!"

"But, Jasper…It's so good!" He said in between monstrous bites. "How'd you learn how to make this?" I froze slightly and he seemed to take the hint that he had hit a nerve. When Carlisle and I finished eating, he helped me clear the dishes from the table – he insisted that since it was his house he had to do something! I vehemently disagreed.

"Carlisle?" I turned around to face him after putting the last dish in the sink.

"Yes, Jasper?"

"Th-thank you." I quickly blurted out a faint blush covering my cheeks. He took a step towards me, and said with a confused look on his face,

"For what, Jasper?"

"F-for accepting me," I started with my face downcast. "..even when I really don't deser-" He was in front of me instantly, finger on my lips to silence me. I looked away from him.

"Jasper, look at me." I was afraid...unsure what he would do or say.

"Jasper you deserve all the acceptance I can give you and more. Why can't you see that?" His eyes were completely sincere. He shook his head.

"Will this help you understand?" Then he leaned in and kissed me! The glorious taste of cinnamon and sage that was just pure Carlisle returned and I kissed him with a heated fervor, pulling him closer. Eventually we pulled away, Carlisle hugging me even though it must have looked so strange since I was the taller of us.

"Jasper? I couldn't help but notice you have a scar above your eyebrow and I'm curious. How did you get that?" My eyes widened. Not that. Anything but that...I couldn't stay here. Carlisle was going to hate me after I told him, too much baggage.

"I-I gotta go." I needed to leave and get my head straight so I could figure out how to explain why I acted this way. I turned away from him and started speed-walking towards the door as fast as I could without running. Then I felt him grab my shirtsleeve.

"Jasper! Wait! You don't have to tell me anything if you don't want to. I'm sorry for… prying..." I turned back to look at him unsure what to say. He looked worried, concerned, and hurt.

"Please stay Jazz…" I couldn't resist him when he pleaded that way, even if he was doing it out of pity. So I shook off his hand and walked towards the living room. I sat on the couch, embarrassed, as Carlisle picked out a movie for us to watch. I didn't pay attention to it. My eyes were glued to the screen, but my thoughts were in another realm, wondering what was going through Carlisle's mind. Then close to what seemed to be the end of the movie he grabbed my hand suddenly. I looked at him, my eyes wide with surprise. What was he doing? Was he leading me on? No, Carlisle wouldn't – couldn't be that cruel. He leaned in and he...he kissed me again! He probed at the entrance to my mouth and I opened my lips to let his warm tongue inside. I shifted my weight on the couch, trying to get comfortable when Carlisle's hands accidentally strayed underneath the back of my shirt. I gasped and looked at him scared. His eyes widened when he felt my scars, but surprisingly he didn't push me away in disgust. Instead, he pulled away from the kiss, his hands slipped out from underneath my shirt and, began unbuttoning it.

"Carlisle, what are you doing?"

"Jasper, I don't know what happened to you, but I do know its a horrible memory. I want to replace that memory with a good one. Will you let me do that for you?" I was in complete shock. This man, this… angel wanted to do this for me! I nodded and he finished unbuttoning my shirt pulling it off to reveal the scars on my chest.

He gasped and I wanted to curl up in shame. He saw the expression on my face and said,

"No, Jasper! Please don't be embarrassed because of your scars. They make you the wonderful person you are." Then he leaned down and started kissing them! It was wonderful the feeling of his lips on my damaged and overheated skin. Washing away all the bad memories and replacing it with this...This joy and ecstasy of his lips on my skin. But I had to tell him! He needed to know what happened. We couldn't have a relationship built on secrets. It was the least I could do after he gave me this great gift.

"My dad wasn't the most open-minded person..." That was putting it nicely.

_

* * *

_

*Flashback*– 1998(Jasper is 17)

My parents and I had just come back from church, and it had put them in a good mood. I hoped I wasn't going to ruin everything now.

"Ma, Dad, I gotta tell ya somethin'."

"Is it important?" she asked. I nodded. "Go sit in the living room, we'll be there in a minute." Ma replied. I went to the living room and sat down on the couch, my hands shaking. This was it. My parents entered the room a few minutes later. Ma immediately saw my shaking hands.

"Sugar, what's wrong?" She asked concerned.

"Just nervous, Ma."

"Well," My dad spoke up gruffly. "What was it you wanted to tell us, son?"

"Ma, Dad..." There was a brief pause while I composed myself enough to say the two words that could either bring my family together or destroy us.

"I'm gay." There was a moment of shocked silence, then Dad exploded.

"What? Get-the-fuck-out-of-my-HOUSE!" I stared at him in utter shock, I expected an outburst, some ranting and raving, even an attempt to 'de-gay' me, but never this...I stood up.

"Dad, you can't be serious?" He got up quickly, outraged. Ma was sobbing, my father's tubby face was flushed a deep blood red.

"Oh I'm serious, alright!" He exclaimed. "My son...a fucking fag..." He mumbled. "You don't deserve to be called my son! You are NOT my son!" His anger was a slap in the face.

"Now, get-the-fuck-out-of-my-house!" I just stood there, dumbfounded. "What did I just say?" Still nothing, I was speechless. "Suit yourself then." He reached next to him, on the end table by the sofa, and grabbed a vase. "Boy, your gonna wish you'd left when you had a chance." His large frame was shaking, and began lumbering towards me, throwing and catching the vase between his two hands. I'd realized what was coming and tried to run, but he smashed the vase over my head, hard, and I fell to the floor, a deep cut bleeding right above my eyebrow, and my arms cut from the glass that was on the floor when I fell.

"Dad! Why?" I screamed.

"Givin' ya what a fag deserves!" He spat. I shielded my face as he tried to kick me in the head.

"Ma! Ma!" I pleaded, sobbing. I managed to turn my neck ignore the stab of pain in time to see her shake her head.

"He's right." She said through angry tears, "We don't allow queers like you here." It felt like a kick in the gut, encored by my Dad kicking me in the head. Hard. I passed out cold. I woke up in the hospital a couple of days later, having no idea how I'd gotten there, and my head hurting like hell and the cuts made by the broken lamp made me look like a Jackson Pollock.

"Hello, Mr. Whitlock. Nice to see you awake. It was quite a nasty fall you had there." What was he talking about? "I'm Dr. Gerandy by the way.  
"What fall?"  
"You don't remember? That's alright. It's perfectly natural for a patient who's experienced your type of head trauma to experience memory loss. I'm sure you'll be able to remember the events that took place after a couple of days." He stuck out his had, "It's nice to finally meet you."

That's weird, because what I remember is being bludgeoned by my father for being gay. I took his hand and shook it.  
"You just call me Jasper." He let go of my hand and smiled.  
"I already like you, boy. Now get some rest."

The next week I was finally released from the suffocating hospital. As I stood on the sidewalk holding my plastic "Patient Possession" bag I realized I had no where to go. I knew that church, that God, wouldn't throw me out like my dad had. I was a child of God just like everyone else. But Jasper, my town, the town I was named for was the stereotypical Podunk town. It was small and only had with only one gas station, so new news, especially gossip, traveled fast. When I reached the church, five of my once closest friends sat lazily upon the steps. I exhaled and smiled; It was almost as if they knew I was coming, which was probably true.  
My friend, James, narrowed his eyes when he saw me. "Whatcha doin' here, fag?" He spat.

What? Oh God, they know. They hate me now. I lowered my head and tried to push past them, my fingers craving touch of the smooth cover of the hymnal, my body craving the comfort of the velvet pews, my screaming mind, the solace that was prayer.  
"Yeah!" Someone else riled, "Don'tcha know? God hates fags! It's even in the Bible!"

Though honestly, they probably hadn't even opened the Bible, much less looked up those verses. Out of all of us, I was the only one who was really serious about church.  
"Look," I said, hoping to maybe reason with them. "I'm not trying to cause any trouble. I just want to go inside." They shook their heads,  
"But Church isn't for cocksuckers like you!" Laurent exclaimed, I guess he was the leader now since I was being ostracized. In a blink, they were all standing, advancing towards me. I backed away not wanting to end up in the hospital again, they didn't stop, and Laurent pulled out a knife. I ran.  
"That's right! Run away pussy! Wait! I forgot...you like dick!"

* * *

_Present Day..2010_

Carlisle stopped kissing my scars and I was about to curl up in a ball again, thinking he didn't want me after I told him. Instead, he started rubbing soothing circles onto my back. I relaxed into him, calming down instantly with his touch.  
"Jasper," Oh lord here it was. He was going to tell me that I had too much baggage, and he didn't want me. Please Lord, don't make it hurt too much.  
"What your parents did to you was wrong, and to cause this much..." He ran his hand up my chest and tears started welling up in my eyes. This wonderful, beautiful, angel cared about me, me! It was overwhelming...Carlisle's eyes grew alarmed. I realized it was because of my stupid traitor tears and I fought hard to stop crying.  
"Jasper, are you ok? Oh I'm so sorry…" I just stared at him confused. Carlisle was sorry?  
"Sorry? For what? You didn't do anything wrong."  
"Jasper...I-I made you cry…!"  
"Carlisle! These are happy tears. You did _nothing_ wrong!" He nodded and took a deep breath. He visibly calmed down right before my eyes and I reveled in the sight. His beautiful baby blue eyes stared into my drab hazel ones and it made my heart skip a beat.  
"Jasper," He said breaking the stare. "I'm so happy that you trusted me enough to share your past with me. I have a feeling you've never told this to anyone before." I nodded, ashamed. I should've been able to tell someone before! I mean its been over a decade! I told the few friends that I had that my parents didn't take it well, but I never elaborated. He must of seen the look on my face for then he said,

"Jasper, sweetheart there's no need to be ashamed. It must of been very hard to tell me all that.." I nodded, it was but he made it so much easier. "At least I know the reason why you act so...unsure..at times." I shook my head.  
"That isn't the only reason."  
"What do you mean?" Carlisle asked confused. If only he knew just how plagued my past my past really was.

* * *

_*Flashback* - 2002(Jasper is 21)_

An obnoxious hammering at my door snapped me out of a daze.  
"Jazz, you fucker! Get the hell out here!"  
"Just leave me alone, Peter." I grumbled towards the door. It was one of my very, very seldom days off from the restaurant and I just wanted to vegetate in front of my crappy used TV in peace, but no, Peter had to come ruin it. I raised the volume as high as it could go in hopes of drowning him out.  
"JASPER WHITLOCK! You better come out right now or so help me God I will knock this door down!" A higher, but equally gruff voice threatened through my ugly iron door. Oh shit...Charlotte! I scrambled to the door and opened before she could cause any damage to my already crap apartment. I knew she hadn't been bluffing before.  
"What'd ya want Char?" I asked looking at her pointedly, still groggy from my sudden forced alertness.  
"You need to get out of the house!" She cried. I rolled my eyes. She really was ridiculous at times. Wasn't it obvious I wanted to just relax? I even had on my old sweatpants, specifically designated for looking like a hobo so I could _stay home_. Char was always screaming at me to throw them out. I never listened.

"Don't roll your eyes at me!"  
"But Char, I do not need to get out of the house."  
"Of course you do! You need to get a life! As much as I hate to say it, Peter and I can't be your entire life." I mock gasped and her eyes grew stern.  
"You need to get a guy! Yes, a big handsome man….Then again with how hot you are all the guys will be begging to have a try with you." She winked. Ugh.  
"Yeah. Right." I scoffed.  
"It's true, Jasper!" I rolled my eyes yet again. Char seems to inspire that reaction.  
"Whatever. Where do you plan on going?" I had learned a long time ago that it was pointless to argue against Charlotte, she would always win.  
"A club, Jasper." She said like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "Be out and ready in 20 minutes...'cause you seriously need to get laid!" Then she strutted away with Peter hot on her heels. He was _so_ whipped. I don't know how he puts up with her everyday because Char was gonna be the death of me.

* * *

A little while later I was staring at the entrance of gay club that Peter and Charlotte had brought me to, Mirage. The black tiled facade was lit up with red lights, making it look like a huge patent leather stiletto. The frosted glass double doors were guarded by huge bouncers, and the line to them stretched down the block.. It seemed so...open. I still wasn't comfortable being out yet, especially after what my parents did. But here all the guys seemed to flaunt it and not even care. By some coincidence, female and straight Charlotte had an inside connection, so we sailed through the roaring crowd amid protests. We paid the cover charge and when I went inside my eyes had to adjust to the light, and the scene.

There were what looked like hundreds of sweaty guys, grinding and bumping to the burp-inducing bass. Charlotte led us to a little indoor gazebo, where we ordered martinis and just watched the men on the floor. Then I caught a guy's eye. He had long sandy blond hair that was tied back, and he was beckoning me to the dance floor. As if I was drawn to him like a magnet, I left my drink, and floated on light feet over to him. He grabbed my waist and we sailed along the floor, and then he spun me around so that I could feel his thighs on mine. He had one hand inching down my hip, and with the other, he was holding mine above our heads. After a while he twisted me around again, and whispered,

"You wanna…go?" Maybe Charlotte was right, maybe I did need to get laid. I nodded and he led me out to a cab, and we went to his apartment. I didn't normally do one night stands, but I made an exception for him, James. Only it wasn't just a one night stand, afterward we exchanged numbers, and a relationship started to blossom between us. After a year I moved into his place. I sold my crappy apartment and was determined to leave my past behind, for good. Then it started to get ugly. At first it was just little things. James blowing up when I lost the keys to the car, little things like that, the petty shit. Then it started to grow progressively worse. When he hit me for the first time, that was the worst I've ever felt in my life. What had I done wrong? I loved him! All I wanted to do was to make him happy! It just got worse and worse, but I maintained the fact that I deserved it. I was a bad lover, a bad partner. _I_ brought that side out of him and _I_ had to bear my punishment. So, I walked through life with my head down and my eyes averted. No one seemed to notice until one day Peter cornered me when I was grocery shopping, the same time I did every week, because James liked to know where I was at all times and he also didn't believe in cell phones, so I had to stick to a precise schedule. Peter said he was worried for me,

"Jasper! I haven't seen you in months! You don't answer my calls! What is going on? You don't call me, or see me! Char's beside herself!" He grabbed my shoulder and I automatically winced in pain. James had thrown his radio at me yesterday and it was still sore. His eyes narrowed suspiciously, "Jasper….What happened to your shoulder?" I stood quiet, unsure what to say. James told me not to tell anyone that he had to punish me. He told me no one wanted to know I had to get punished.  
"Nothing... um, I, uh, bumped into the door going to the bathroom early in the morning." I waved it off.  
"Don't…lie to me Jasper. I'm worried about you. If that James guy ever laid a hand on you...I will beat his ass." He vowed. I had to stop him! James didn't do anything wrong, I was the one who messed up.  
"Peter, stop. I just ran into a door. No reason for you to worry." Yes please don't worry about me! I'm fine! _But are you really?_ My conscience nagged at me, but I squashed that annoying voice. Peter didn't look like he believed my story but thank God he dropped it.  
"You have to talk to us more! We really do worry, you know." I cocked an eyebrow in mock surprise mustering up playful energy that I really didn't have.  
"You, Peter, worry? No. It's not possible." I joked. A smile lit up his face and I vowed to at least call him more often, if James would let me.

* * *

_3 years later - 2006(Jasper is 25)..._

"That's it, Jasper!" Peter shouted cornering me in the grocery store yet again. "You have to stop defending him! He is a no good sonovabitch who preys on people like you! Look at yourself!" Did he mean the rapidly fading bruise on my cheek? That wasn't too serious. Not like the times where James has gotten out the belt...I almost shuddered, remembering the horrific pain that had run through my body. This-this bruise on my cheek was the lightest but most humiliating punishment he could give. Everyone could see that I was a bad partner; it was displayed all over my face. Of course Peter would comment on it as well. But I was too embarrassed to tell him that James had gotten mad when I broke a glass while trying to serve him dinner. I shrugged.

"It's nothing." His eyes widened in alarm.

"It's nothing! What do you mean it's nothing? What else has he done to you, Jasper?" I didn't understand his panic. Was there something wrong with my punishment?

"Jasper...oh my god...Jasper...you don't even realize...he's brainwashed you!" He grabbed my hand.

"Come on! I'm getting you out of here!" He started to speed-walk towards the exit and I was forced to follow, his hand gripping mine too tightly for me to get free of him. We left the store, my shopping cart abandoned inside, and Peter pulling me towards an idling car with Char inside.

"Wait, Peter! Stop! I have to finish shopping for us and I have to be home by eight!" He stopped and looked me straight in the eye.

"No you don't. That isn't your home Jasper! Not anymore. Is James still at work?" I nodded.

"But he'll be home soon, why?"

"Then we'll have to do this fast," He opened the door to the backseat of the car.

"Get in." I complied, my mind in a haze trying to comprehend what Peter was telling me. Was he taking me away from James? He couldn't! I loved him!

"Where are you taking me?"

"Back to James's." I let out a sigh of relief.

"We need to get your things and its best we do it now before James finds out your gone."

"Wait, w-what's going on here?" I stuttered, feeling cramped by the small frame of Charlotte's Hyundai sedan, and the weight of the situation that the couple was getting me into. Charlotte turned around from the front and with a steady voice said,

"We're taking you away from that son of a bitch who hurts and we're gonna keep you safe."

* * *

_Present Day..._

Carlisle's eyes seemed to be permanently widened in shock.

"Peter and Char took good care of me for a time, and I got up on my own feet eventually. They helped me get my job at the historical society. I've been there for almost four years now….Carlisle?" I was getting worried, he couldn't even look in my eyes.

"Jasper...how could someone—anyone-hurt you? You deserve to be cherished and loved, and not used and abused...oh Jasper..." He hugged me tears spilling out of his eyes. Was he crying for me? I didn't mean to make this angel cry. Especially not over me...I only wanted to have him understand. He put his arm over my shoulders and pulled me to him.

"No, don't cry!" I cooed as he rubbed played with my hair. We sat there for awhile, him rocking and crying, until I felt his body sag and heard his breathing even out. He was asleep. I gently crawled out his embrace and spread him out on the sofa. His expression looked so peaceful and when I made to pull away he reached out for me. I pulled off his shoes and mine, and then lay next to him. He instinctively pulled me closer to him and I relished the feeling of having his warm body close to mine. Then I fell asleep in the arms of my angel, my Carlisle.

* * *

_The next day..._

I was slowly lulled awake by the sounds of the sizzling of a pan and shot up off of the couch and onto my feet when I remembered that I had fallen asleep in Carlisle's arms.

"Well good morning, sleepy head." Carlisle said from the dining room, which had a clear view of me looking all disheveled on the living room couch. He looked like Apollo, the god of the sun, with his messy blond hair, padding around the dining room in socked feet, and wrinkled clothes, putting plates on the table.

"I made pancakes, come and get 'em!"

"Pancakes?"

He laughed. "I knew that would get you up! I may not be that much of a cook, but I do make a mean pancake." I laughed, this man knew me too well, put my shirt on, and crossed over to the dining room. In the south, a breakfast would be a hardy biscuit, jam, eggs, bacon, sausage, grits, syrup, oatmeal, honey, coffee, and juice. But I did love pancakes. Especially Carlisle's. He had made fluffy cinnamon ones, laden with huge semi-sweet chocolate chips, light as a cloud but with the flavor of what could only be described as ambrosia of the gods. Yes, when the ancient Greeks detailed about what the gods dined on in Olympus, they meant Carlisle's pancakes. They were almost as amazing as he was.

"What time is it?" I asked Carlisle after polishing off my fifth pancake, I didn't see a clock anywhere I could see.

"Eleven, why?" He answered looking at his phone, and I sighed in relief.

"Good. If start getting ready now I should have enough time to get to work before my shift starts," I said between bites, sorry that I couldn't eat the entire plate. Carlisle looked at me in surprise.

"You work on Saturdays?" I nodded.

"Yeah, you'd be surprised just how many people come to the society on Saturdays."

"Well that's unusual."

"Yeah it is. I was totally shocked the first time I worked a Saturday shift. Anyway, so when I'm finished eating I'm gonna leave and go home to change ok?"

"What? No Jasper! You can't go out like that, even though you look very good right now..." I blushed furiously.

"Please, borrow some of my clothes. They should fit you, though the jeans may be a bit short." I eagerly agreed, and even though it seemed like I was taking advantage of his kindness, I couldn't pass up the chance to be surrounded by Carlisle's comforting aura all day. When I finished my seventh pancake -I had to stop or I would've exploded- he motioned for me to follow him, and I did. He picked out a beige pullover and a pair of loose light blue jeans. He gave them to me and I went to the bathroom to change. I pulled on the clothes quickly, the scent was even better than I remembered, and stepped out of the bathroom, a little shocked to see Carlisle stepping out of his room at the same time. We marveled at our synchrosity. Then I really looked at him. He was wearing at light blue button down neatly tucked into his black slacks, and had on dress shoes that were so shiny I could my reflection. It seemed a little too dressy for a Saturday morning.

"Are you going to church, Carlisle?" He nodded.

"Yes. The Men's Seminar is today and I'm the speaker." We started walking together to the living room.

"Oh I forgot it was today…" I couldn't remember anything around Carlisle, my mind was too focused on him. He smiled.

"I almost forgot myself, thanks to someone..." I beamed. Was I really making Carlisle so flustered? I thought so...I hoped so.

"If you don't mind me saying this...you look really good." I stepped forward and I pressed my lips to his, and they eagerly parted for me. His delicious taste of cinnamon, sage, and something else that was purely Carlisle, assaulted my senses. He gave into it kissing me eagerly but eventually tried to pull away,

"You-" Kiss. "have-" Kiss. "to-" Kiss. "go-" Kiss. "to-" Kiss. "work." Then he pushed me away.

"Always the responsible one..." I grumbled under my breath. I walked towards the door motioning for Carlisle to follow me. He did and when we stepped outside I turned to look at him, my eyes filled with longing. I was going to miss him, my angel. I knew this was only the first date but I already felt enveloped in my immense feelings for him. I wrapped my arms around him, needing to feel him close to me again even though we had parted only minutes before. He made no move to pull away and I breathed in his heady scent with my nose buried in his soft blond hair. Then I tilted my head down and our lips met, a spark of passion erupting between us. His hands on my curls, tugging them - it felt so good - and my arms, still wrapped around him pulled him closer so his chest was flush with mine. Our tongues tangling I felt consumed by the beauty that was Carlisle's lips, tongue, and taste. Then he pulled away, both of our faces flushed. I smiled and he gave me a weak smile in return, his eyes searching up and down the block when the full implication of what I had possibly done hit me. I had outed him!

"Carlisle!" I gasped. "I'm so sorry!" He nodded.

"It's okay, I don't think anybody saw." That just reminded me what I was, his dirty little secret. Even though I'd take whatever I could get from Carlisle I still didn't like it. I turned around and opened the compartment under the seat of the motorcycle.

"Wait! That's your bike?" I nodded, proud that he seemed to like my baby.

"You like?" He nodded still staring.

"Wanna take it for a spin?" I could imagine that the thrilling of riding my baby would be a hundred times better with Carlisle with me.

"I cant. I have to go to church, remember?" I was once again reminded of my place in his life. The thing that had brought us together was now keeping us apart. I sighed and pulled on my helmet.

"Bye, Carlisle." I said loud enough that he could hear through my helmet, got on my motorcycle and drove away.

* * *

_An hour later..._

I made it to the society with only ten minutes to spare. I rushed inside and clocked in. I put on my name tag and settled into my workstation in the back room. I was so glad that I didn't have to work the front today. I needed to think and being alone in the back room full of history was definitely the way to do it. Then I heard a soft knock on the door.

"Come in." I called out. The door opened and my boss Maria stepped in the room.

"Jasper," she smiled.

"I thought I saw you rush in." She paused and looked at me scrutinizing me really. "You seem happier." Was it that obvious? Well I didn't care, even though I was his secret, Carlisle made me so happy, I couldn't help but have it written all over my face. She sat down on the empty chair next to me.

"So...who's the lucky guy?" I groaned. I could never hide anything from Maria. She was almost as bad as Charlotte, it didn't help that the two were best friends. Thinking of Charlotte, I needed to tell her about my date with Carlisle. She'd probably pitch a fit if I didn't. It was thanks to Charlotte that I got this great job anyway. I loved history, ever since I found out that I was born in Galveston the first day that they had the civil war battle there – I was supposed to be born in Jasper, Texas (how I cursed my name now) where we lived but my parents were visiting family in Galveston, that which I am extremely thankful for, one less connection to that dreadful town that had ruined my life. Ever since I found out all of this, what I had wanted the most was to be part of the battle reenactments that took place at Galveston every now and then. I knew there was one coming up sometime next year and I was excited about it. I might actually be able to go, of course I had to scrounge up the money to make the trip to Texas. My other dream was to sing, but not to be just any type of singer. No, to be a worship singer, for my God. That didn't exactly turn out as I expected. I was the worship leader at Love Gospel and I loved it but something was missing...I couldn't complain though, after all I snagged Carlisle. That thought alone made me smile.

"Well someone's whipped." Maria said, and I blushed.

"So? Who is he?" She was really gonna make me tell her wasn't she? And I had no idea what I was gonna say! What Carlisle and I had was supposed to be a secret his reputation, his job, which was his whole life, was on the line.

"Well..."

"Well what, Jasper?"

"Well...Ok but you have to promise not to tell anyone!" I couldn't – wouldn't risk him. She shook her head, becoming serious. "I won't tell anyone, Jasper." I believed her.

"His name is Carlisle Cullen." She gasped.

"Wait did you say Carlisle CULLEN?" I nodded.

"Yeah, do you know him?" Please, Please Maria...don't tell.

"His father contributed an enormous amount to the society a few years back, before he died. And you're with his son! The pastor of the church!" She looked at me stunned.

"Wow. You're lucky...he's hot!" My jaw dropped at her exclamation and Maria laughed.

"Listen Jasper," She said in a more somber voice. "You go get your man. Don't let your past, whatever it was, get in your way! If he's the one then you deserve him. Just because he's a pastor and all holy and shit doesn't mean you're not worthy of him! You are Jasper! You are the sweetest, kindest, most caring person I've ever met. Carlisle Cullen is lucky to have you Jasper. It's he who should be worried about whether he's worthy of you." I didn't say anything for a minute, my mind still trying to process everything she said.

"Thank you, Maria." I finally came out with. "It means a lot to me." She smiled.

"Your welcome, Jasper. Now get to work!" I laughed as she walked out the door and shut it behind her.

* * *

_A few hours later..._

On my way home from work, I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. I couldn't answer it now, I was riding my bike, I was surprised I could even feel it. Then they called again! I was becoming annoyed now. They would just have to wait. I couldn't imagine someone who would deliberately annoy me this way. The only people who had my number were Peter, Char, Maria, Nettie, Lucy, and...CARLISLE! I pulled over immediately and attempted to pull out my still vibrating phone from my pocket. Once I managed that, I read the display. 'Carlisle', just as I thought. I pulled off my helmet and tucked it under my arm so I could answer the phone.

"Hello?"

"Jasper!" Carlisle exclaimed, panicked.

"Carlisle! Angel, what's wrong?" I asked hurriedly.

"Jasper...it's Tanya...she knows..she knows about us."

* * *

_½ hour later..._

I pulled into Carlisle's driveway with a big screech and he came rushing to meet me.

"Jasper!" He exclaimed.

"I don't know what to do! She knows, she could tell everyone...and the church?"

"Shh...Angel let's go inside and we'll talk about it." He nodded, his eyes showing his inner turmoil, and we walked inside the house, closing the door behind us. He looked so distraught. Red-rimmed eyes and tears staining his cheeks.

"Jasper.." He whispered, "I need you." and I wrapped him in my arms, trying to do the best I possibly could to comfort my Angel. He pulled away after a few minutes and I was afraid I had did something wrong.

"Jasper...no matter how what I said before sounded know that I will never regret this. I will never regret us." My heart filled with hope at his words, an emotion I thought I'd banished long ago.

"Jasper," He said this time wrapping me in his arms.

"Jasper, I love you."

* * *

**A/N: Hey ppl! Oh god i'm so sorry to keep you all waiting..but I hope it was worth it..it was more than twice as long as part one...and you got to peek into Jasper's head...plz review my little 4 shot...and yes it is a 4 shot...that means there WILL be two more parts! This is NOT OVER! **

**~Tiffany**


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